The biggest obstacle daters have to overcome is the mass amount of preferences they have for their potential partner.
Some may call these preferences unrealistic and some may call them unreasonable. However, none of that matters to the person with the preferences. Regardless, they want what they want even to their own detriment and the resulting dating pool shrinkage.
Preferences are Abundant
There are far too many preferences to name when it comes to men and women. Between a man’s height, to the woman’s backside the list is endless. To make matters worse, daters are literally making choices based on superficial wants, when we should be making decisions based on the things that sustain a relationship for the long-term.
Don’t get me wrong, having preferences isn’t a bad thing. However, they can prevent us from being completely open to the possibilities in front of us. If we are steadfast in believing that our preferences are “needs” when they are truly “wants” we will constantly find ourselves running into the same [type] of person over and over again.
Remember, the keyword in preferences, is “prefer.” Meaning, you prefer a taller man, but his height isn’t the key to the happiness in your potential relationship. You prefer a voluptuous woman, but that preference only satisfies a carnal need that does not support a long-term relationship.
Needs vs Wants
From time to time one of the tools I use with my clients is the, “needs vs wants” assessment. Without revealing too much, the results are as I expected they would be. 70% of male and female participants considered things like height, hair type, size of body parts, and much more, to be the essentials to a successful relationship. They felt as though they couldn’t live without those things. As a result, they choose their partner with a strong conviction for said wants.
Needless to say, we all have done this as some point in our lives. Overlooked the needs, and focused way too much on the wants and the results have been disastrous. This approach has gotten us in trouble more often than we want to admit.
So why do we keep repeating the same lyrics to the same song when we know how it ends?
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Wants are like that pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia Ice Cream that you know looks and tastes good. So, you ignore the nutritional facts that say it contains 1000 calories per serving, with 3000 grams of sugar and fat. It tastes good going down, but once you’re done, you feel the bloat. A few days later you regret the decision you made as you tap the scale with hesitation. You know what’s coming.
Reprioritize Your Preferences
As I mentioned earlier, having preferences is ok. As long as they don’t interfere with progress and practicality. What good is a preference if it isn’t progressing you towards your desired goal? You don’t have to get rid of your preferences, but you can push them to the rear, and move character traits to the forefront. Attraction is important, but it’s not the end-all, be-all. Focus on what will sustain your relationship (and that’s not height). Let the rest be optional.